Bet you’re worried this is going to be a politcal soapbox rant.
No worries, nothing nearly that serious is going to occur here today!
It’s a guy rant soapbox. More specifically a dating soapbox rant.
What the hell is wrong with people???
I had a date on Friday night. Another winner.
First of all, the dude was late. Because he was getting dinner out of the oven for his 19 & 23-year-old.
Oh, hi umbilical cord….
Amway. He’s late. That didn’t earn you any brownie points dude.
So, we meet at this dive of all dive bars. Now, don’t get me wrong…I LOVE a good dive bar. Great people watching. But it’s hard to people watch, when you are the only two customers in the joint. Meaning, it put a lot of pressure on the dude to keep me entertained. Good luck with that. I am the queen of ADHD moments.
Within the first 5 minutes of the conversation, he rolls this line out.
“So, never married and no kids, what’s the red flag with that???”
I keep meeting jerks like you.
I mean COME ON!!! Since WHEN should that be ok to verablize on a first date (if ever)? What if I had had fertility issues? What if I had been with a partner and something had happened to them? Here’s a shocker….what IF…just IF….that wasn’t something that mattered to me in life? What if it didn’t matter to me that I SHOULD be married by some societal standard???
So, does this mean he doesn’t have red flags???? I mean, hey glass house…might want to watch where you’re throwing those rocks! He divorced after 25 years…and his reasoning was because she never wanted to go out and was a homebody.
Well, let me just stop you there darling. You just met the wrong girl. There is NOTHING I love more (especially this time of year) than a chill night on the couch with my Netflix account.
Regardless. If I didn’t have a fresh beer, I would have bailed. But I went to Ohio University, it’s ingrained in my brain not to commit such alcohol atrocities.
As the conversation continued to roll on, it seemed to level out. It was at least pleasant.
Now, I left out a pretty decent detail. I was highly overdressed for this place. I wore the dress that I had worn to school with tall black boots. This is important, because it led to the conversation about laundry. He asked if I hadn’t had time to change before the date. I simply stated that I had no desire to do more laundry.
I hope you’re all sitting down.
He looks at me like I have just sprouted green warts all over my face and states, “You only wear your clothes once before you wash them???”
Yes. I know. It’s horrific. I like to be clean, not smell and for the most part not spread the toxic germs I carry on my clothes from school to those I love more than absolutely necessary!
I politely responded that, yes, as a matter of fact I do a lot of laundry. Between my clothes, dog laundry…etc..
Now, mind you….he has a dog. A lab.
“My dog has a blanket, I don’t think I have ever washed it.”
Damn, another fresh beer. Damn drinking morals.
Let me get this straight…no, I can’t actually. I have to stop. Because I literally can visualize and even smell what not only the blanket looks like, but for that matter…I have a good idea about your home now. It’s too much. Even for my imagination. Minus more brownie points…
We were reaching the end of the evening and I politely turned the 3rd beer into a Diet Coke (which I could easily take with me…in a panicked rush out the door!) and wrapped this event up.
Time for the most dreadful part of the evening. The departure. Ugh. They are painful. Do you hug? Do you shake hands? How do you send enough body language to a dense lug that you have no interest in being mouth raped?
Yep, apparently I didn’t send enough clear body language that I wasn’t interested in a make out session. Plus, I am learning a few details about myself. I really need to be more secure in myself to tell these boys to go fly a kite and walk away.
I awkwardly got through the thing and quickly jumped in the car and fled. I actually laughed the entire way home and the idiocy of what I am doing to myself by trying to date. So, there is the silver lining…it’s all comical to say the least! Plus, it offers great blog topics!
Ok, soapbox rant done for the moment.
So, is dating. I am crawling back into my proverbial hole and hibernating for a bit. I’ll be back…but I need a break from the lunacy. Plus, there are project patiently waiting for me. This weekend, trying to make some interior storm windows. More on that later!
Peace out peeps!
Just a friendly update. Since I am STILL tinkering with online dating…. I got this message this morning.
I was tempted to respond with a link of this particular blog post. However, I am not sure he would appreciate he would humor in it quite the way I did.
I was told this week, via text…which was awesome….by someone I hardly know…which is even more AWESOME…that I was parsimonious with my feelings.
I immediately felt like an idiot.
I am a smart girl. But I had no clue what that meant. With a quick google search, I felt like even more of an idiot.
Basically, he was stating that I was frugal or stingy the context was slightly wrong…but I’ll let that slide) with my feelings.
How dare he!
He doesn’t know me!
How can a stranger try to peg me as frugal and stingy with my feelings!?!?!?!?!
Then I realized…maybe he is sensing that I had already erected the wall. The wall of bitchy. The wall of, “I don’t have patience for your drama so I am using a limited word count to finish any conversation with you.”
In that regard, he was spot on.
All of this brings me to this point…
Although there has been great interest from my friends and family to share the screenshots of what these lovely gems in the online dating world have sent me, I am trying to be the bigger person and not embarrass the crap out of these men. Even though, I am fairly confident that they wouldn’t have any idea that their behavior should be embarrassing as grown ass men.
However, I will share the following insights I have learned from my online dating experiences.
Correct grammar is imperative. I am THAT judgmental. If you can not write a sentence that utilizes basic capitalization and punctuation, you are officially on target with my kindergarten students. I refuse to date a 5 year old. Or even suffer through a texting conversation.
Do NOT lie on your profile. I was raised by a family of police officers. I am a teacher. I will see through your crap in two seconds. I will judge you for that also.
Use your brain. Don’t ask me my name. Don’t ask me where I live. Those two details happen to be posted on my profile (no worries peeps…not the exact location). But it tells me a lot about you, you are lazy and you don’t use your brain.
If I go so far as to come meet you…especially at your home. Try to make it look like you care enough about me to walk through the house and clean up the clutter and trash. Because when I walk into a place and immediately feel like you are really looking for a maid….I will peace out faster than have ever seen a girl move.
I am sure there are many, many more….but I don’t want to bore you with my rant.
If you are out there with me in the dating cesspool… Check out this article for more guidance and hope in this crazy world! I am going to see if any of the tips help weed out the scum!